How to Practice Real Self-Care

Sometimes it feels dodgy when a company advertises their product telling you to buy it as part of ‘self-care’. This is a common trick of the beauty industry. Food and drink industries also jump on board the ‘self-care’ advertising wagon. In addition, well-meaning social media posts and memes can also promote a kind of not-really-self-care, self-care advice.

What does this short-term ‘not really self-care’ look like in these industries?

In the beauty industry it’s often products and services cleverly advertised as pampering. Often it’s services that help you conform to beauty standards but which are reframed as a ‘treat’ or ‘me-time’. Think getting your nails done, facials, massages, spa treatments, waxing, etc. Now this is not to say that many people don’t enjoy or want these services. But be clear, you’ve been sold this standard.

In the food and drink industry it can be the concept that you are looking after yourself by buying a high sugar, high fat, high salt food that creates cravings for more and messes with your digestive microbiome. And of course giving in to cravings sure tastes good in the moment, but sometimes they’re accompanied by self-loathing, frustration and long-term poor-health.

And in social media, memes that promote ditching any friend who isn’t there for you in your time of need or walking away from any family member who doesn’t respect you, tread a fine line that can lead people to not learning the skills to have difficult conversations, to tolerate and to understand differences. It might feel good in the moment to shut someone out. You might feel strong about enforcing boundaries. But what if over your lifetime you get too good at walking away.  Self-care can also be about feeling strong within yourself no matter what others are doing. Boundaries and not tolerating toxic behaviour is important, but it’s often not as black and white as sometimes it’s made out to be.

It can be useful to consider what the long-term effects are of any self-care practices. Is it really self-care if you end up struggling to pay your bills and can’t put anything aside for savings? Is it really self-care if you are becoming unhealthy in the long run because of your actions? Is it really self-care if you feel like you don’t have any other choice? Is it really self-care if your life is becoming more and more lonely?

The answer will be different for each person and their situation but generally real self-care, the kind that enriches us over time, promotes wellness of body, mind and spirit. It isn’t something that we can purchase. It’s about how we live, how we think, how we engage with others and how we support our growth in the areas we find challenging.

Here are some ideas for how you can start practising the kind of self-care that will serve you well short and long-term:

Do you know how to take a break? What about a mini-break?
Practice stopping what you’re doing to take a few slow breaths. Give yourself permission to sit in quiet without looking at a screen and just checking in with how your body feels, and what’s going through your mind. Even for just 30 seconds. Have a hot or cool drink depending on the weather and feel the temperature of the cup against your hands. Look outside and see what the clouds are doing. Just stop and notice the sounds around you. Can you practice doing any of these things for a few minutes or integrate it as part of a longer break?

Having conversations that bring us closer.
All too often we hear someone say their partner has shut down a topic with a repeated: “I don’t want to talk about it.” For the person shutting down the conversation it can feel like looking after yourself, but it denies you and your partner from having a closer, authentic understanding of each other. While there are lots of topics that can raise big emotions such as sex, money, and child raising methods, pretending the topic will disappear if we ignore it unfortunately rarely works and can lead to resentment and a growing distance between partners. This means that self-care in long-term relationships is about getting kind and courageous with each other so you can work as a team and through that grow stronger together.

Embracing movement
Our bodies are born to move. Some people get a kick out of running, others like to dance, garden, take the stairs, or stretch. It doesn’t matter what you like but long-term self-care means moving your body so that you have some muscle strength, flexibility and cardio health for years to come. It doesn’t have to be a lot and you don’t have to join a gym. Find little ways through your daily activities to enjoy using your body.

Finding acceptance with our bodies
Another body-based self-care is finding acceptance with how we look. Few of us will have the current fashionable body shape and fashions change so trying to keep up with the current butt/breast/whatever trend is futile anyway. No matter the shapes and sizes of your body parts, no matter what your skin looks like, can you find acceptance? Noticing the parts you don’t necessarily like and nonetheless finding something to be appreciative about them can be a useful starting point.

Challenging ourselves to be courageous and flexible in our behaviours
Getting used to giving in to anxiety and finding life shrinking as a result isn’t really self-care in the long run. Practice going out of your comfort zone. Support yourself with compassion as you try something new whether that’s joining a club to be more sociable, having a conversation with someone who hurt your feelings to try to understand each other, or to present yourself more authentically in the world. Find a healthy balance between knowing yourself and your boundaries as well as being able to give things a chance.

There are so many other areas of truly supportive self-care that benefit us with practice over time. Have a think about the actions you can start taking that will deeply enrich your life – ultimately supporting not just the you now but the person you want to become.

If you ever want to explore these topics more in relation to your life and how you want to live it, then send us a message.

Warm regards,
Maree & Jan